It was a hard decision and had been made with much thought, research, and tears. It had taken us time to sort through all the contributing factors in order to be as wise as one can possibly be.
We lay in bed with our fingers intertwined, side by side, the darkness enveloping us. The stillness seemed even thicker than the darkness. My whisper broke the stillness one last time, “I am not sure this is going to work out.”
More deafening quiet. The stillness can be so loud in those moments of indecision.
He finally whispered back …
“Why do you have so much faith for _______ but for this you have so little?”
I had no answer to the convicting question. Why indeed?
After a few minutes, he added, “This will work out too. Now try to get some sleep.”
Throughout the long process, I had often prayed, asking the Lord to make me smarter than I was in my own ability:
“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” (James 1:5, NLT)
He had surely been faithful to guide me in asking questions, providing answers in surprising ways, always protecting us. He enabled my mind to comprehend those aspects which I had thought to be beyond my understanding.
His still small voice guiding and directing each point of intersection.
Several times He made it clear His answer was, “No,” and I would tell my family, “He has something better for us.”
So why in the stillness of the night did I find doubt trying to push its way back into my mind?
When doubt comes creeping, His Word comes marching in, resolute and bold:
“In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.”
(Psalm 4:8, NLT)
Peace comes as does sleep. The morning also comes and with it, His new mercy available for the demands of this day.
Much like the manna which the Israelites gathered daily, His mercy is also fresh and new and abundantly available each morning.
The nudge comes gently, yet authoritatively, to open my Bible and I read the words before me:
“But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone.” (James 1:6, NLT)
And there it is – the words and assurance so needed.
We do not, and are not, to have faith in man or in ourselves. Our faith is in God alone. And just like that, I begin to hear the words and music filling my heart and mind:
“In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand.”(from the hymn, In Christ Alone)
Today I am joining … #RaRaLInkup and TrekkingThru the Week and Teaching What Is Good .
Joanne, I love the way your framed that prayer to be “smarter” than in your own ability. I’ve said the very same words before, and long for the wisdom of God that puts to rest all the wrestling. I love that Getty hymn, but have never thought if it in exactly this way before. Thanks for these insights.
I am finding myself returning to old books and old hymns as of late and finding much comfort in them. The truths are powerful and precious. I want to find myself trusting in Him alone for all that I need and encounter each day.
I’ve whispered the same words to myself,”Why do you have so much faith in other things, but this …? There are some things in our lives I think are much harder to hand over and trust to God, at least for me. God’s been loosening my grip and showing me how He’s been faithful before and will continue to be. Thank you for sharing your words and reminding me I’m not alone .
It is amazing how we can compartmentalize and believe in certain areas. Like you, I am finding God breaking the compartments (or the grip as you put it) and bringing me to the place of trusting Him and believing Him for more. No, you are not alone. I think God is working in many to dare to believe. xo
I, too, wrestle with the doubt and fear . . . even though I proclaim I trust God in all situations. Your solution-to pray and use God’s Word-is the only thing that works. I am grateful for the Psalms that show me even “God’s greats” struggled and asked the same questions of God.
Debbie, I am always amazed that as we wrestle with our questions, He gives us more of Himself and grows us in ways to believe Him more.
Nosy Rosy here… of course I want to know what the conundrum is/was!!! xo
Susan, no matter the conundrum, He is there to help us through them all. xo
Thanks for sharing Joanne. It’s difficult to trust on some issues and innately easy to trust in others. You shared from a very vulnerable place that we can all relate to. Praying for you friend…
Thank you, Char. As I read your comment, it brought back to mind the words of an old hymn, “Oh for grace to trust Him more!”
Oh, I’ve been where you are! One thing that brings me comfort is the realization that should I make the wrong decision even after prayer and seeking Him, He is big enough to get me back where I need to be. He knows my heart is for Him and to do His will.
Love that you shared the words from In Christ Alone! So inspiring!
Amen and Amen! Jerralea, so good of you to remind me that He is big enough and bigger than any mistake we can make.
Oh, those nighttime doubts. I know them too well. So thankful for this truth: “The morning also comes and with it, His new mercy available for the demands of this day.” Thanks for sharing this tender moment, Joanne.
I love that the morning brings fresh mercy in a fresh word from His Word. May we avail ourselves to His many promises each day.
It’s easier to trust God in some areas more than others for me. But we always need to stand on the Word and God comes through every time.
It is so true, Kelly. The Word of God will bring us through and infuse us with the needed faith to believe and stand firm.
Thank you for such an encouraging post! I love James 1:6! Having abandoned faith in God alone has changed so many circumstances for me. His ways are always new yet always the same.
Yes!! Our circumstances change but our God always remains the same. Blessings!
Isn’t it amazing? No matter how long we live, there are yet places where I realize I haven’t trusted him. And you’re so right…God’s track record is 100%. He can only be faithful.
P.S. I just read your about on the sidebar and love that you started writing to document all that God is doing for your children and grandchildren. What a legacy you’re giving them and they will always have to see your struggles and your faith.
Thank you, Lisa, for encouraging me today. A legacy for my children is my deepest desire. Blessings!!!